


Reflections

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-07
Updated: 2006-05-07
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8078011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Archer makes a declaration.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Jonathan Archer loved women. The way they looked and smelled and moved enthralled him. He enjoyed the feel of them and the taste of them, and while not always discriminating, he was always respectful and mindful of their needs. He enjoyed making love to them, whether it was slow and sweet, or wild and tempestuous, or something in between. It was the experience and the lady, not just the sex, though he didn't mind that either. He was also careful never to get involved with anyone who was looking for the ring and the family, for he was not a family man. It wasn't that he didn't want a wife and children, they just weren't part of his goals at the moment. He wanted space, with the adventure and excitement. There was always something new waiting just around the corner. In essence space was the woman for him, always changing, beautiful and challenging and constantly stimulating. Then too there was the fact that he had never really found one who caught all of his senses, including his heart, so he was content to love them and leave them, secure in the knowledge that they knew the game and were content to play it as well.

Life aboard a starship was another matter. There were women under his command, but he looked to them as his children. It didn't mean that he couldn't and didn't appreciate them, they just weren't part of the game, or at least they shouldn't be. Of course that all changed the first time he acknowledged his science officer as a women, not just a Vulcan. It all happened at that damn monastery at P'Jem. Oh he'd tried to ignore it, but then they had been kidnapped and he had been tantalized by her scent. There had been that debacle where they had tried to untie each other, but all he had gotten out of the was her breasts in his face and the torture of the slim body against and on his own. He had no choice but to fight for her when they tried to take her away from him. Even so it was more respect, and lust then anything else at the time. When had it actually changed to this undying fascination. This need not just to touch and soothe her, but to see her happy, with him. When had the mighty rogue fallen and with one who was so different from his own kind? One who denied emotion as if it were a plague, yet could seem so vulnerable with a word or gesture?

Perhaps that was when he knew? When she told him she needed someone she could trust? Yes that was it. So where did that leave him? Hopelessly in love with his first officer and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Why? Because she trusted him. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried to tell her in his own way, but she had quoted policy and procedure back at him and he didn't know what else to do. He should let it go. Chalk it up as stupidity and walk away. Not that your heart will let you, he thought to himself. All his years of being footloose and fancy free and he was well and truly caught by the one woman he couldn't have. Damn Vulcans and their interference in his life anyway! With a sigh, he tried to change the flow of his thoughts. It didn't work. What would their relationship be like anyway? She wasn't one for touching and expressions. Would making love to her be all that he wanted, or would she just lay beneath him, still and silent? Somehow he didn't think so. He knew she was a passionate creature. He could see it in her eyes when they argued. Hell he could see it in the tip of her head as she geared for a fight. How could he even consider her emotionless? There was so much there so much that someone who didn't know her would fail to see. He shook his head, trying to force away that train of thought. He wouldn't know until he sampled her, and T'Pol wasn't his for the sampling. Besides which, he could tell she was a forever kind of girl, did he really want that in his life right now? The answer was sure and sudden and undeniable. Yes.

All thought fled for an instant at that moment of truth and Jonathan rolled off his bed and to his feet in a smooth move. His hand slid absentmindedly to Porthos' head in a fond caress as he began to pace. Okay, so now he knew undeniably that T'Pol was the one and only, ring and family, forever and ever till death do us part, other half of his soul. What the hell was he supposed to do about it? Then too there was the fact that she was ill, possibly dying and her own people could give a damn. Was that a factor in this decision? Was this why he was debating this now? If she was his one and only and he only had her for a little while, wouldn't it be better not to have her at all? Wouldn't he do better by guarding his heart and remaining her friend, never knowing what he was missing? But what was he missing? The not knowing was driving him insane. But then loving his first officer was not exactly sane, and he had already acknowledged that he loved her. It wasn't going to hurt him any less to lose her now. That was why he had fought so hard after all. He knew she felt it too. Damnit he had seen her eyes! That slight lift of her chin, the way she refused to meet his eyes as he challenged her decisions, her choices. He needed her, more than...more than he needed Enterprise. She was his dream now and had been for some time. Sighing, he dropped back onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. So what was he supposed to do to convince one very stubborn lady that they were meant to be?

Standing, he headed for the door. He didn't have the answers and his considerable charm with the ladies didn't seem to have any effect on her at all. The first step it seemed, was to go to her and tell her the truth. She needed to know how he felt, no more dodging the phaser blast so to speak, and then the ball was in her court. He just wasn't certain if he remembered how to share that ball...Ah well, reflections are what they are, and mine are telling me to move. The mental pep talk inspired him and he exited his quarters, certain of a course of action, on his part anyway.

Ringing the chime though, that was the hardest part. His eyes closed briefly. No, the hardest part was going to be telling her and not touching her, or worse yet, telling her and it meaning absolutely nothing. Perhaps it would even push her away...I can't do it, he thought to himself. If I'm wrong, even a little than I've lost everything. And if you don't? The alternatives were as terrifying as the reality and he wasn't sure he was up to either. He was just about to turn around and admit defeat when the door slid open and all his choices were settled once and for all. He watched stunned as she registered him at her door. Her beautiful eyes dilated and her mouth formed a delicate O of surprise and she took a step forward before she thought better of it. Suddenly the walls went back up and he questioned whether he had seen anything at all. It didn't matter, not really. He had to pursue it. Stepping forward, into her personal space caused her to step back to avoid contact. Suddenly he wanted that contact every bit as much as he wanted her. He continued forward, driving her back and as the doors swished shut behind him, his hands came up to catch her arms, halting her backward movement. A shot like lightening shuddered through his system and he knew he was right, that this was right. It was time. The words were simple, yet conveyed everything. "I can't lose you because I love you."

Those beautiful eyes flickered for a moment and that stubborn chin tilted slightly, and then the mask was gone and she stepped forward and into him, resting her head on his chest. "I know." She took a deep breath and raised her head so their eyes met. "Do you understand what you are getting into?"

He shook his head. "Probably not. But as long as you are with me it will be worth it. Say you'll be with me T'Pol."

Her hand came up to cup his cheek. "There is no other choice for me Jonathan. There hasn't been for a long time."

His breath caught in his throat. As his head tipped to hers his response was reverent and whispered. "I know exactly what you mean." And then he was kissing her, and all doubt was gone.


End file.
